Don't Know Why I Didn't Come
by Schmendrick the Demented
Summary: Doubts can be a tricky thing sometimes, you have to run to find what you need, and sometimes you have to return to realize what you left…


Pre-ficlet rant: I don't know where this came from, besides listening to Nora Jones at 5:30 in the morning and being buzzed on absolutely nothing at all... No song lyrics in the story, but I figure the story follows the lyrics so closely and even uses them a couple of times, that I'm still going to call it a songfic. I didn't make it girl specific so some maybe annoyed by it, others might find it refreshing, but I think most of you will just assume its whom I always pick and read it accordingly. If you want you're more than welcome to listen to the song while reading it, I don't suggest it since I'm a meandering writer. The song helped me get in the mood to write this short tale, but might just confuse the matter while trying to understand my ramblings. Well, if I don't stop this rant it will be longer than the actual story. So enjoy if you can.

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Don't Know Why I Didn't Come...

She sat there, watching the sun crest the horizon and break the darkness with its brilliant beauty. Glorious ribbons of dusky rose and glistening orange streaked the golden opulence of Aurora's trailing banners. It was another morning, the beginning to another day, and the start of yet another unrealized dream. But today would be slightly different. Today, she had another matter to deal with. Namely, addressing why she hadn't made an appearance at the party.  
  
A strangled chuckled fluttered up from parts unknown. She wasn't sure why exactly she found the entire situation humorous but she did. It wasn't like the party had really been all that big a deal. After all, it wasn't like it was his bachelor's party or anything as monumental as that. Instead, she had left him standing by the fun house with a gentle smile on his face. She hadn't returned like she had promised. Somehow the allure of solitude had seduced her into forgetting him behind.  
  
How do you explain to someone you love that you left them without a second thought to think about them? How was she going to tell him that she had needed to think about what she wanted out of her life? That after dreaming and hoping for so long she was unsure of what the future held? Uncertainty and fear tainted her confidence with nervously swirling colors of the darkest of self-doubts.  
  
She didn't know why she hadn't at least put in a brief appearance. She couldn't explain her reluctance. Deep inside she feared what might have happened. Yawning grandly, she brushed herself off. Looking up at the new morning before her. She had wished she could simply fly away from this life, but that would simply create a greater scene then her running had last night. She had surprised herself when she had walked away from him, until she was certain the density of the crowd hid her retreating form. Then with the swiftness of an adrenaline-induced rush, she darted through the remaining crowd to the entrance of the fairgrounds. She had raced straight to the darkness and relative obscure seclusion of the shore. She had no idea how she had managed to get so far so fast but she had.  
  
Still uncertain how she had made it to the beach, she unconsciously flipped her long hair over her shoulder and out of her face. Looking down at her hands she brushed the sand from her fingers off on her hips. With a great sigh she thought back to the previous night. After arriving at the beach, she had looked out on the fabulous moon, hanging in the sky like a massive pearl a gentle gift from Poseidon to Artemis. She had to smile to herself at the thought; the moon had been resplendently magnificent last night. She had spent a goodly portion of the night lost within her thoughts and falling in love with the moon and its reflection. But, when she would pull her eyes away from the beauty of the moon and its romance with the sea she would look down at her hands and fall to tears. At one point she knelt softly in the wet sand watching as her tears fell from her chin, into her hands and down to disappear into the sand.  
  
She knew she shouldn't have crashed the wedding party that had been at the other end of the beach. But she had been wholly incapable of resisting the gentle persuasions of the lulling sounds of merriment and hope. People she had not known easily greeted her and offered her the chance to join them in their happiness. And she had taken up the offer. Reveling in their joy, she could not help but enjoy and share in the laughter and jubilance of the moment. Yet, despite how happy she had been stealing that moment of joy along side the happy couple and their friends and family she couldn't help but think of him.  
  
The wine had gone to her head filling her with thoughts of a shared eternity. A mirrored reversal of fortunes, herself in the bride's happy shoes and he in the groom's stead. Yes, the wine had helped make that dream an all too realistic vision. And after her fifth glass she given up with glasses altogether and gone straight for the bottle. With much of the single males gathered around her in gleaming zealous. She still had the last bottle in her hand, hanging limply from numb fingers. And despite all that, he was still forever emblazoned upon her mind. What was she going to do now?  
  
She looked out across the ocean. Maybe somewhere in its endless, bottomless depths she could find her courage? She wanted nothing more then to lose herself to its majestic grandiosity. She had seen the wonders of the universe, but here she was, sitting on the wet sand feeling remarkably miniscule. By now, Helios had spurned his fiery chariot higher; morning was slowly bleeding into midday. Approaching midday and she was still moping on some distant unfamiliar beach. Thinking back now, she knew she would die a happy ecstatic death if she could have known the joy of that bride last night. She would trade her entire life and more, to trade one moment of that young woman's life that night. Instead, here she sat... the morning after with nothing to show for her evening except for an empty bottle and a soggy ass.  
  
Lifting her tired body from the damn ground, she took in a great breath and resigned herself to returning and facing the music. She felt like a molding sack of bones... eww, what a horrid picture that made. Shaking her head, she shifted her thoughts to the return trip home. Or rather finding transportation back home. The solution to the first of her many problems presented itself in the form of an obliging guest from last night's wedding reception. He was the designated driver the morning after and had no qualms with taking her to the long trek back to the Masaki shrine. She had thought it strange at first, but figure it was rude to look a gift horse in the mouth. Shrugging off her questions she easily hopped into the back of the van.  
  
She had been crunched into the back of the van as she was to be one of, if not the last person dropped off. The bulk of the passengers had lived close by to the beach and the van quickly emptied leaving her to sit in near solitary isolation during the ride back. She idly watched as the world passed her by. The grays and drudgery of the city begrudgingly gave way to the greens and serenity of the countryside. The speed of the passing scenery was starting to make her dizzy. Figuring that she was still suffering from the residual effects of the substantial amounts of wine she had imbued the night previous, she shrugged her shoulders and tried to make herself comfortable. Her thoughts easily and unintentionally shifted to him, forever and always him.  
  
When the van came to a gentle stop she looked up at the rearview mirror to see the driver questioning her about where she wanted to be dropped off. With an easy smile and a sincere thank you she explained that their current location would be fine. Slowly but gracefully making her way to the center of the van, she gave the driver one last honestly appreciative 'thank you' before beginning the long trek into the forest and up the hillside. The driver had one last bit of cryptic knowledge to hand to her before driving off. "Something had to make you run."  
  
She had turned to him startled by the words. How had he known? She couldn't explain to herself why she had runaway. Let alone why she had missed out on an important celebration for one of the most important people in her life. Flabbergasted, she stood there watching the van slowly fade down the road and into the fading light of Hesperia's fluttering twilight dance. The sun had long since made its journey across the sky. Between doubt, remorse, regret, traffic, dehydration and the need to go to the bathroom it had been a long journey. One step after another brought her closer to home and with each step she felt all her previous doubts and fears slowly wash away.  
  
Leaving and empty hollow pit within her, which she could have sworn, echoed like a drum with every step forward. Now as she crested the hill and looked down at her home, she couldn't understand why her fears had been enough to force her to run. It all seemed so silly looking at it from this end of spectrum. But then, she mused to herself, that's what comes of mass quantities of alcohol consumption and honest introspective thoughts. She should have stayed, she should have gone to the party, she shouldn't have stood him up, but mostly she should have been brave enough to face the future and accept its possibilities negative or positive. Now she was just tired, too exhausted from the day's journey of self-discovery, to bother with her recently buried fears. It was mentally, emotionally and amazingly enough physically exhausting being so concerned about matters that were completely beyond her control.  
  
Giving a great sigh she continued towards home. He was there waiting for her, his eyes catching hers as she took the first step outside of the forest's shadows and into the fading light of the setting sun. Even from this distance she could see the surprise and relief in his eyes. Had he missed her? She ambled carefully down the steps wanting to, even if it was just this once; enjoy the peaceful tranquility of the world around her. When she arrived at the bottom of the steps he simply watched her. Slowly she approached him, watching his face for anger or pain. She saw only joy- filled confusion and relief.  
  
He was simply too glad about the fact that she had returned to feel anything else beyond relief and joy. He flushed a healthy shade of pink before he managed to muster up enough of a voice to ask her what he wanted to know. "Why didn't you come?" He flushed a deeper shade of red and added, "I missed you... we all missed you. But mostly me, I wanted to share the day with you, I had so many plans. Did I do something wrong?"  
  
She smiled at him and tried to not laugh at his adorable confusion. How could she have been so frightened of him and his choices that she had missed another moment in his life? Shaking her head and wrapping her arms gently around his neck, she embraced him closely and lovingly. Tender lips lifted to his ear and whispered adoringly the only answer she could give, "I don't know why I didn't come." A tender kiss to his cheek set off another flaming blush, to which she burst into an affectionate giggle. Shaking her head once more she smiled at him lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the lips. "I don't know why I didn't come." But, she added mentally, I know where I belong forevermore as the rest of the family emerged from the house to surround the pair with their questions and concerns. Laughter and usual shouts of challenge rose to greet the moon as she began her nightly trek.  
  
Sometimes, you have to run to find what you need, and sometimes you have to return to realize what you left...

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Post ficlet rant: Anyone like it? Annoying huh? Yeah... I might have to start paying attention to what I write at some point. Oh well you know the routine... read, review, flame me, email me... whatever you like. 


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